There Was a Time, When We Grew Up
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: In the nine months before Harry's birth, and the fifteen months after, there were letters written by James, by Lily that told a story of love and of fear.   In the years before Harry's existence, there was a story of love and of bravery. Of death and of war. Of a young couple trying to survive and exist, despite the pain of the world around them.  This is that story.


_**A/N: I do not own James, Lily, or any other recognisable character/location. If it is an original character/location, it is MINE and you must ask for permission beforehand. Thank you. **_

_**Some of the scenes within the story might seem slightly familiar, as I have picked up many ideas by reading Fanfiction over the past months. If you recognise a scene, I have either (a) picked it up and liked it (mimicking is the best form of flattery and I REALLY liked these stories) and therefore have somewhat used the scene, or a variation thereof, in my story, (b) based it off a picture I saw on Deviantart, or (c) it's just so common a scene that you really can't find the original author of the story. The original, original, I mean. This story will mostly bounce between letters and the actual story. The letters start around December of 1979 and the story starts July of 1978. **_

_**/**_

_December 23, 1979 _

_Dear Baby, _

_The Healer-well, I say the Healer, but for all I know this was all James' idea and I just wasn't listening-suggested we, James and I, write to you in the form of letters. Something for you to read when you're older. Just in case we're not here to tell you everything ourselves. The idea, originally I must say if we are being honest, unnerved me. Did he think that we weren't going to make it? The Healer (a nice man, now that I reflect on all this with a less biased view, named Rhys) explained that it was something they had been telling all new parents, as a precaution. With a war and all going on, you never know who's going to die next. _

_So far, I've tried starting three times. This is attempt number four and it's not exactly going swimmingly. I was never the type to keep record of my day and feelings in a diary or a notebook, not like Alice, and I have no idea how to start now. No idea how to do this. What should I tell you? The Healer said to tell the truth, how I honestly feel about everything. So, what's the truth? That, at nineteen, I am afraid to have a child. The truth is that the very idea of carrying you, of having you, the very idea of you, gives me nightmares. (Or should I mention that James nearly fainted when I told him about you. He seemed more pleased than any of us at the time.) Oh dear, I've just thought of how that will sound in twenty years to you. Now you'll expect that I was a cruel uncaring mother to you as a child. Perhaps I will be, who knows? (James says I won't. He says I'll be the best mother ever, but he's more than a little biased, wouldn't you say?) Understand, future child, that I **do **love you very much. I'm just not sure how to talk about all this. How do I explain that I'm afraid of everything going wrong? I think I've messed this all up again. I have, haven't I? _

_Yesterday, I spent an hour in front of the mirror, watching myself. I'm not sure for what. Perhaps signs of your existence, for right now I'm as skinny as ever. Everything still fits-though Mrs. Potter (James' mum) says that won't last for too long. I don't have cravings too often or too weird and I usually only vomit once a day and I'm done. Occasionally, I even begin to doubt your entire existence altogether. Perhaps you (and the visit to St. Mungo's, by default, I suppose) are a dream I've created. That, maybe, one day I'll wake up and realise I'm never going to have a baby and these delusions are the closest thing I've got to you. _

_But then, I wake up, shake my head, and realise that I'm just being me again. A panicking, worrying little girl. And James is still asleep, like none of this bothers him. I wonder how he can stand it, all the battles and the deaths and just everything swirling around. He won't tell me, but I'm beginning to suspect that his dreams, too, are filled with the horrors of the day. Does he see me dying? You dying? _

_I don't think July can come quickly enough. The end of this damn war can't come quickly enough. _

_I've really no idea how to end this letter. I've never written a letter to someone who doesn't exist yet. I'll pretend like it's a regular letter, because one day it will be. I don't think I'm quite ready to sign Mum yet, so:_

_Love,_

_Lily _

_**/**_

**July 14, 1978**

Sirius Black settled down next to his best mate, James, offering a Butterbeer as a peace offering. Around them, the younger students eagerly say good-bye to their friends with promises to write, the very young girls even bursting into tears as they flung themselves at friends, saying they'll stay friends forever, no matter what. James took the Butterbeer, but didn't glance at Sirius, watching a few Third Years with all the intensity of a tiger hunting prey. The older boys sat on the fronts steps of the school with the casual elegance learned from years of knowing you were better off than a majority of the kids around you. Not quite _arrogance_, so much as the knowledge of a higher status. Sirius' dark hair was scraped away from his face, nearly to his shoulders so that, from the back, he almost looked like a girl. His grey eyes had a quick, feral sort intelligence, aware and alert. He was thin and lanky, but sprawled out.

James on the other hand, while tall and thin, had scruffy black hair that often gave the appearance of having just rolled out of bed. His eyes, hidden behind rounded spectacles, were brown. "Hazel", Lily would have called them. He, too, had almost aristocratic features, achieved from a family of rather _great _power. Not that James really cared where the looks came from. He just knew he was rather fetching. Both boys had abandoned their Hogwarts uniforms for casual Muggle jeans and tennis shoes. Sirius wore a Weird Sisters shirt, while James' was a bit nicer, a Muggle shirt with some weird brand, a present from Lily for his birthday.

"Remember when we were that small? And we always thought that saying good-bye like that," Sirius waved his hand around. "meant you were a weak little girl. And that one time that Moony decided he wasn't going to write to _any _of us because we'd spent the entire year being idiots, but he caved in three days? Remember that? How you always tried to write love letters to Evans summer before Sixth Year, but buried them all in your mum's garden. She got really mad when she found out and made you dig them back up and put them all in the attic."

James nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly, but he still won't look at Sirius. "Yeah. I remember. I also remember that Hufflepuff girl, what's her name, Claire, throwing herself at you at the train this year." Both boys laughed slightly, but it was awkward, tense. "It's not the same, anymore, is it, Pads? Knowing we're not coming back anymore, it sort of changes things, doesn't it?"

"I guess," said Sirius, taking a sip of Butterbeer. "Never really thought about it. Always sort of figured that when we got out, finally, you and I would share a flat and you'd finally give up on Evans. I didn't actually consider the possibility of you two landing each other. Guess _that _plan is null and void, huh."

"What _are _you going to do Sirius? Besides sulk around and make McGonagall pray you never have kids."

"Dunno. Join the Order, maybe get a little flat in Soho by myself, try a few Muggle women on. Honestly, i just plan to be myself, but outside of Hogwarts."

"Terrorize the rest of the world, you mean."

"Yeah, basically." The two give each other nearly identical grins, Sirius taking another sip of Butterbeer, James cradling his in his hands, a cigarette twirling between his fingers.

"Does this mean we're okay, then?" Sirius asked casually, leaning back and glancing up at the sun. He didn't look at James as he said this, not wanting to see the emotions, the decision. "Because I'm sorry-"

"Sure," James replied quickly. "Sure we're okay. Just," he sighed, looking older than his eighteen years. "just knock it off, Pads. We're going into the real world now and Moony and I won't always be able to help you."

"Oh, really?" gasped Sirius in mock-surprise. "I hadn't realised that." He pretended to be relieved, letting out a puff of air and swiping at non-existent sweat on his brow. James chuckled slightly and took a drag from the cigarette, exhaling slowly. Sirius rolled his eyes at his mate's habit.

"Can't believe Evan's actually _kisses _that mouth, knowing what you do."

"Makes me brush my teeth beforehand, usually. Says it disgusts her. "

"I don't blame her. That _is_ disgusting. And not even slightly something a _real _Marauder would do."

"Saying I'm not a real Marauder?"

"Exactly."

"Git." James snorted.

"Hey," said Lily Evans, settling on the steps next to James, kissing him lightly on the side of his mouth. She, like the boys, had abandoned her school uniform for jeans and a t-shirt,her's being an old Quidditch shirt stolen two months ago from James' trunk. Her dark red hair was pulled back into a thick, messy sort of braid, but some hair had slipped out, framing her face. Her bright green eyes, James' favorite part, were particularly cheery today, almost _twinkling_ She leaned in for a deeper kiss.

"You smell like smoke." she said, pulling the cigarette from his hands and tossing it in the air. As it fell back down, Sirius turned it into a blue sort of flower, which dropped at Lily's feet, dying quickly. "You smell like smoke," she repeated, but kissed him anyway, hard and sensuous.

"Do you two _have _to do that around me? It's bad enough I had to spend seven years listening to James wonder how to impress you. Now you're going to just snog in front of me without so much as a how-do-you-do?"

"Yep," Lily laughed, settling as close to James' lap as she could, leaning on his shoulder. "It's not like you don't snog every girl you ever date and more."

"Don't do it in front of you, do I?"

"Well there was that one time with-"

"Prongs, can you shut your bird up so I can enjoy watching the little pips sob over having to say good-bye like a couple of girls?"

"Prongs," said Lily in the same sort of mocking voice. "can you tell Sirius that I'd leave him alone if he'd stop calling me a bird? It's disrespectful and if he does it again, I'll make him incapable of bedding another girl ever again." James laughed.  
>"Lily, have I ever mentioned I love you?" said Sirius, chuckling nervously. He was both bigger and stronger than the red-head, but she was better at hexing and less likely to hesitate, when it came to Sirius.<p>

"Deflating his ego a few notches," she called it.

"Where's Alice, then?" James asked in an effort to stop his girlfriend from beating up his mate. "Haven't seen her around."

"Frank came by earlier. They're in Hogsmeade right now and he's going to Apparate her home later." After graduation, the teachers mostly wiped their hands of the Seventh Years, which basically meant half of them went for one last trip to Hogsmeade and the other half hung around, waiting for the train with nothing else to do.

"They're going to get married," Lily murmured in a dreamy sort of voice, leaning against James' chest. "Soon, Alice thinks, possibly in October. Doesn't that sound romantic? She could have a bed of leaves, instead of a bed of flowers. We could throw pumpkin pastries!"

"You've got a weird imagination, Lils," said James, twisting to kiss her cheek. "But it's cute."

"You guys are just strange, the both of you. You know that, Prongs? _Strange._"

"Thanks, Pads."

"Anytime, Prongs, anytime." laughed Sirius before clambering to his feet and turning to go inside. "I'm going to see if Moony and Wormtail have survived still. They'll need help carrying their luggage and all." He wandered off, leaving the two alone.

"You know, James," Lily began, a small smile creeping over her face. "_my _luggage is rather heavy, too."

"Want me to carry it to the train, Lils? I can do that, if you want." James sat up eagerly, willing to do anything for his girlfriend-no matter how ridiculous, he would do it. James had even once managed to procure for her an entire basket of sunflowers for her birthday, despite it being off-season. He was weird in that way. He was romantic in that way.

"No, thanks. I've already gotten on there, I was only joking." She smiled and kissed his cheek, seeing the somewhat offended look on his face. "So, what was Sirius apologising for?"

"Who said he was apologising for anything?" Lily pointed at the Butterbeer in James' hand. It was a well known fact that Sirius rarely gave up one of his precious collections of , James cupped the back of her head, laying down again. He squinted up at the sun, thinking. "He got mad." James said finally.

"About?"

"Well, er, _you_, I suppose."

Lily sat up, bewildered. "Me? I thought Sirius liked me, now."

"He does," James said quickly. "Honest, Lils, he _does _like you. He thinks you're a lot funnier and less snobby than he originally gave you credit for, definitely. He really does like you. It's just, we sort of had this plan where he and I would move in together and now that _you_ are dating _me_, he thinks that plan's gone out the window. I told him off for talking bad about you."

"Oh. He could always move in just next door to us. It would be fun to be neighbours with someone you already know."

"Sirius wants to live in Soho."

Lily flinched. While she loved the city, she had no intention of ever actually living within London. She even, if she could get away with it, was considering talking James into moving to Ireland. But not Soho. "No." she said, looking away. "James, you know how I feel about that."

"I know, Lils. It's just-look, Padfoot and I usually aren't more than a few feet apart, except over the summer, but he's been at my house for the past two years, so it's _almost _the same as living together, but my parents are there and we're under supervision and he's always wanted to live in-city and, seeing as I'm his best mate and all-"

"I'm your girlfriend! Aren't I more important? Anyway, I don't think my da would be too happy with me staying with _two _boys, especially one like Sirius." Lily's father, a professor at a Muggle school, was a rather opinionated man, rather like his eldest daughter Petunia, and had only accepted James after two hours of tense, careful acting over the Easter holidays. He was Lily's only parent now, and she loved him very much, always playing the good daughter.

"I know. Listen, we don't need to figure this all out just yet, right? We've still got a while. Your dad's letting you stay at his place and I'm staying with my mum for now. We can figure this out. Besides, Pads knew this was going to come eventually, right? One day we would move in together and maybe get married and have kids." His voice dropped off on the last part, looking away. His neck flushed with embarrassment. "You know," he mumbled. "if you _want _to get married and have kids."

"Maybe, James. _Later_, of course," she said to his eager look. "We're eighteen now, let's not rush into anything."

"_Alice _is eighteen and she's getting married in bloody October with leaves and pumpkin pasties," James grumbled, entirely aware he sounded like a five year old in a candy store. But Lily was shooting down his entire plan-while not very thought out, he thought it was rather good. She didn't have to be so bloody _negative _about it all.

"Yes, but Frank is nearly twenty. He knows what he's doing, he's lived on his own for three years, almost. You and I are barely eighteen. We've spent our whole lives being raised by our parents. We don't know anything."

"My mum won't want me to stay with her forever. She keeps reminding me that _she _moved out with my dad a couple months out of school. Of course, they were married three weeks out, as well." James' mother was rather old, as well as old-fashioned and believed that children ought to be married off as soon as possible. Her own marriage had been arranged, and though she hadn't gone that far, Lily knew Mrs. Potter had been pushing for James to move out and propose _soon_. A scary thought for someone still trying to wrap their mind around suddenly being done, completely done, with their schooling and dropped into the real world like suddenly jumping into cold water.

"Your mum needs to understand this is isn't the 1940s anymore. It's bloody 1978, things are different." Lily loved Mrs. Potter almost like a second mother, but thought both parents were a little pushy, her father and James' mother.

Suddenly James' face paled and he bit at his knuckles, looking at something only he could see. "My parents' thirteith anniversary was coming up in a few weeks. It was something my mum had always been talking about, ever since I can remember. She loved the way it sounded, being committed for thirty whole years. I can't do this anymore, Lils. I can't live in that big house with just her and the house elves and pretend like everything is normal. When I went home for Christmas, I kept waiting to hear Dad's footsteps on the stairs or his awful whistling at six in the morning on Christmas Day, or the turkey he always made on Boxing Day, because he said Christmas Dinner wasn't enough."

"I'm sorry, James. I know you miss him."

"But you're not ready to move in together?"

Lily laughed lightly, wrapping her arms tightly around James, kissing his neck. "Not yet, no."

James sighed, leaning against the wall, pulling Lily with her. "When did we grow up? When did we get so old that our parents are beginning to worry us, because we're worried they're going to die any day. When did our worries turn from exams to getting a job and a house? If anyone had told me this was what growing up was like, I would have stayed eleven forever."

_**/**_

_**Just would like to say, I've never actually been pregnant. (Only 14, guys!) If I've written anything wrong, feel free to correct me. Also, I'm American, so you can correct me on any English stuff that I mess up, as well. **_


End file.
